I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
