i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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