so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
