Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize