omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
