My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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