That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
