i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
