drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
