conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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