Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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