She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
