I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
