Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
