fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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