He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
