i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
