Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
