And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
