At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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