no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just invented taco cereal.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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