I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My hand turned me down
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
