never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
