I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
