all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How does one acquire holy water?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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