I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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