6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
