you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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