Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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