Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
