There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i think i scared a bird with my dick
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
