last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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