i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
