The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
