Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
we should paint friendship bongs
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