I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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