you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
