oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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