Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
