Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
