Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
this boner is exhausting
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
