Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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