you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
