Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
