For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
