i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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