no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
