hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
