i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
