Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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