Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
