i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
