when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We don't watch enough power rangers
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
