I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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