Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
