All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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