Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
