just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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