Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
