I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
