I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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