Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
