the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
