Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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