guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
