Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
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Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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