I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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